I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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