He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
