Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
