I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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