the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
