Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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