90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
