Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
