Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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