I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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