Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
