i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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