Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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