I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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