my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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