I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
