Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
