be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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