The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
