He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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