Just cropdusted the office
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
