I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
