i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
