You made me cry and you don't even care
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
