I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
