never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
