I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
