the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
