My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
