He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
