A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
