is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
