I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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