so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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