I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
