A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
