I only kidnapped one of them. chill
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
