Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
that may or may not have been my penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
