a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize