I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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