I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize