she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
