i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
