I am in a vortex of obligation.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
