God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
