So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
