listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
