i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
