I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
