i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
