Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You've changed since you got that strap on
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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