New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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