apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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