Soap is not a condiment
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
