You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
