Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
