Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
