Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
