Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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