He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
