he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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