apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
