I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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