Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
