Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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