How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
