Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
