Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
