Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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