ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
