if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
