If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
