Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
