You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
