kristin has been a bad kristin
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
