last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
