Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize