3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
