he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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