There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
