I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
