he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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