i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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